Why I am not a Feminist

As a woman, I have a brain that is just as intelligent as any man's brain or any other woman's brain.  This means I can think for myself and determine my own values and opinions on life.  I can also choose what ideologies I actually believe are worth something to me specifically.  I'm going to open with this statement lest anyone get the strange idea that I'm simply not thinking for myself and allowing men or the dreaded "patriarchy" to do my thinking for me.  Now that we've established this point right out of the gate - I have a few things to say about feminism and why it is that I don't choose to be a feminist or associate with feminism.

I am not a woman of small mind nor am I an idiot.  I have a higher-than-average IQ and a degree in a STEM field.  I have always been capable of determining for myself what I think and feel, and what I want in life.  I've always had a stubborn streak when it comes to knowing what I want in life, and what my own values are.  This being said, I've had a lot of women claim I'm an idiot who needs them to do my thinking for me.  How "matriarchal" of them!

Let's establish a few things here.  I'm not your average totally submissive housewife type - the so-called "trad wife".  I don't wear dresses every day and don't even do most of the cooking in this house.  My husband knows very well where I stand on various issues and that I'm fully capable of thinking for myself.  We are EQUAL partners in our lives together including in finances, parenting, and all the other big decisions.  However, I'm also not your raging feminist angry-at-men type either.  I don't want to work outside the home and I have good reasons for this choice.  I don't see myself oppressed in any regard.  In fact, I'd say women enjoy more privileges in the USA than men do.

Ooo - did that get your back up feminists?

Also, I don't care what you do with your life.  It's yours, and so are all the decisions AND CONSEQUENCES within it.  All yours.  I make no claim on it, nor do I want it.  You may do with it what you desire.  If you decide to have feminism be the hill you die on, so be it!  That's your prerogative as a woman.  See what I did there?  I'm not threatened by what any other woman or human being for that matter decides to do or think. There is a lesson in that.  If I was truly oppressed in some way, I wouldn't be able to say that, nor live that way.  But that's the key point here, as a woman in the USA, I'm NOT oppressed because of my sex.  Not in any way whatsoever.  Nor are you.  There may be other ways in which you might be experiencing inequality or oppression, but not by the laws of this country.

Every conversation I've had with a feminist always goes the same way.  They argue that being a feminist is just wanting men and women to have equal rights.  I always counter that with the question, "Tell me what rights men have in the US, that women don't?"  And I've never gotten an answer to that question because there isn't one.  They dodge EVERY SINGLE TIME.  Legally, women have all the same rights as men in this country... ALL-OF-THEM.  Then I get hit with "oh but wage gap", which is illegal by the way, and if that is occurring - SUE THEM!  You have that right.  "oh but we are oppressed by systemic issues in the patriarchy" ... uh, ok be more explicit and tell me exactly what this patriarchy is doing to you that is preventing you from exercising your rights...?  CRICKETS.

Ladies, there is a difference between rights and privileges.  So many times I hear about all the privileges women want over the top of men.  If you want equality, stop with wanting to boss men around and saying stupid bullying things like using the terms "mansplaining" and "manspreading" and so on.  Unless it's okay for men to use the same shaming language toward you, (which by the way would be equality here) then stop it.  It's obnoxious behavior.  Let's get down to the nitty-gritty here.  What you want is more privileges, and the ability to abort your baby that you freely didn't prevent conceiving.  (with the granted exception of rape which is a whole different and valid argument.)

If you want an abortion - fine, go get one.  No one is stopping you.  They aren't available in every state anymore, and some laws apply, but there is definitely a way if you want it badly enough.  As far as wanting more privileges than men, this is not equality.  That's not what you all claim feminism is about.  So what is this then?  A push for Matriarchy?

As for why I personally reject feminism, I'll explain.  I have no use for it.  This doesn't mean I don't enjoy my equal rights, because I DO HAVE EQUAL RIGHTS - so do you!  That's a done deal and fully accomplished.  This means that at this point I don't see what feminism is fighting for that I care about or desire.  What are you offering that I don't have and that I want?  Abortion?  No thank you.  I wanted to become a mother and would never abort a child even through rape.  That's my personal choice.  Privileges over the top of men?  No thanks.  I don't want my husband or my sons - all of whom I care about deeply - being treated badly because you all want more privileges over men.  When you are on the draft list, then we can talk.  Until then, you are PRIVILEGED already.  It's a felony for a man 18+ to not be on the draft list.  We, women, have no such requirement AT ALL.  Frankly, I don't want equality in that way for myself or my daughter.

I simply have no use for current feminism, none at all.  I won't use the term feminist to describe myself because it calls to mind very bitter, angry women who hate men.  Yes, that's what most people envision who aren't feminists.  That's how you all are seen.  I'm not bitter, or angry, and I certainly don't hate men nor feel oppressed, least of all by this mysterious "patriarchy".

Do you know who I feel oppressed by?  YOU!  You feminists, specifically the ones telling me that somehow I should not be allowed to choose the life I want because it doesn't agree with the life you would choose for yourselves.  I've been told, by feminists, that somehow my choosing not to work outside my home and to stay home to raise my children oppresses you and all other women.  The question I always ask is "How?"  How do the choices in my life affect yours?  Are you feeling shame?  Well, don't feel that way if you're living the life you desire.  That's not my doing.  Are you somehow upset that some women don't want what you want?  Isn't feminism's original idea to allow women to determine and live the lives they desire?  If that's the case, LET US DO THAT, and leave it be.  I've never been bullied by men or this patriarchy thing you all complain about nonstop.  I HAVE been bullied by feminists.  In my view - it is YOU that are the oppressors.  That is... unless you learn to live your lives and do what you desire to do, living up to your equal rights with equal dignity, and stop bullying women who don't feel the same way you do.

And THIS is why I'm not a feminist.

And for those of you who want to call me one against my will - I hope you realize I'll be calling you other things - against yours.  No one else has the right to determine what I am or am not as a woman - not even you.

My Position on Transgenderism

 In the world we live in, especially in the USA right now, Transgenderism is simply a part of our culture.  It's become a common term, and something most people know and understand to at least a basic degree.  Transgendered individuals feel like they are a different gender than the biological body they inhabit as human beings.  I've known people in my circle of influence and extended family who fall into this category.

Human biology shows us that human beings, Homo Sapiens, as a species are sexually reproductive species.  This means we reproduce and have young through the combination of both male and female gametes.  Females produce ova which if fertilized by male sperm then develops into a new individual human being.  We carry our young and give live birth to them in 38-42 weeks of pregnancy.  The ova from the female contributes half the genome in the DNA carried by the new human life created.  Females carry XX chromosomes for sex.  One of the X chromosomes is passed to the child.  Males contribute sperm carrying the other half of the DNA chromosomes.  Male chromosomes are XY, and they contribute either an X or a Y chromosome to the developing embryo.  Unless something atypical happens in the conception process, the resulting child will either be female XX, or male XY making them either sexually female or sexually male for the purposes of the sexual reproduction of this species.

Once in a while, there will be a hiccup in this process and we have what we have come to call intersex children whose chromosomes in their DNA are not the typical male or female, and their development varies in presentation from the typical presentation of either sex.  This happens approximately 0.18% - 1.7% of the time depending on which source of information you go with¹.  With the exception of this small minority of individuals, to whom this particular article does not refer, all human beings are either male or female by biological sex.

Female

Male

Now that this is established in the most factual way I can state it, we'll talk about gender.  Gender is often used interchangeably with sex.  The word gender originally comes from the root of the word gene, which refers to the genes or chromosomes that define a male or female human.  So I can see how this has become interchangeable in that regard.  Due to the gender stereotypes in our society and cultures, this has come to mean women are feminine and men are masculine, and there are various stereotypes that go with these sexes.  Not everyone fits into those stereotypes though, and that is why it is a stereotype and not the literal fact for every human being.  Gender has come to represent more of these stereotypes and assumptive qualities than the sex or genes which this word was originally based upon.  Modern western culture has accepted the idea that gender and sex are individual from one another meaning that one can be biologically one sex, and feel as if they are the gender of the other, or even have no gender, or some other description I will get into later.  This is what is referred to as the "social construct of gender".

The term for a human being whose emotional gender does not seem to match their biological sex is Transgender.  The term used for those who don't feel like they are either sex is Non-Binary, meaning neither of the two. This goes further into saying that a male who feels their gender is feminine is known as a Trans-Woman, and a woman who feels their gender is masculine is known as a Trans-Man.  It should be noted that the "trans" portion of these terms is important because this individual was not born with the chromosomes of the sex they feel more like.  This designates them in a different situation than those who associate with the sex they were born as.  Therefore, a trans-woman is not a woman because they were not born the same as every other woman.  The trans portion of that term is an important distinction.  The reasons for this are that a Trans-woman is incapable of biologically producing the female gametes, or ova, that enable sexual reproduction, and they do not possess XX chromosomes.  The same in reverse can be said of Trans-men as well.

Transgender flag & symbol

I have stated a lot of things in a more factual manner based on the reality of gender, its relationship to biological sex, and why we distinguish sex as a sexually reproductive species.  Now I will get into more of my views and opinions and beliefs on this particular topic.

I've spent quite a few years now trying to determine my views on this particular subject.  I don't believe you can fully change your sex.  I believe you can identify however you like - I have no issue with this.  The portion that I disagree with is forcing others to alter their beliefs to suit yours.  You can choose what you want in your own life and views and opinions - but no one has the right to do that to someone else.  That being said, I choose to respect pronouns and choice of name regardless of my personal views on this.  I draw the line at using pronouns that aren't male or female-based.  Even the "them" pronouns are things I will stumble over which is also the reason I won't use words like xe/xim/xem.  Those are words that will make me stumble like mad and feel humiliated.  I won't do that for anyone, but I WILL use their preferred name instead.  I feel like this is a reasonable compromise because it shows respect regardless of my personal feelings, and yet it doesn't force me down a road of self-humiliation for the benefit of someone else.  I've met several individuals who feel the same way I do, and I feel it is a reasonable compromise.

That being said, I do NOT believe one can change their sex either because of their feelings about gender or through surgeries to alter their sexual organs and appearance.  I don't think you become a woman by putting on a dress and make-up, and I don't think that is what a woman inherently is.  I do not see a Trans-woman as a woman because inherently these are different things denoted by the very use of the prefix "trans".  I can coexist with transgendered individuals so long as there is reasonable understanding that I will be as respectful as I can, and I expect the same in return.

Calling a transgendered person by their old name associated with their biological sex is what is called "dead naming".  It's something most of them feel is very hurtful, and cruel.  A lot of people who do this don't intend to be hurtful or cruel.  They desire to be referred to by who they feel they are.  Okay - I can respect that to the degree I mentioned above.  The one thing that I'd like to say on the other end of this is that some of us who are not transgender, which is what they refer to as "cisgender" people, do not actually like that term either.  If I am making the attempt at trying to meet respectfully in the middle, then I would ask not to be called "cisgender".  If this is not acceptable, then there is no actual respect going on, and I will not continue the interaction.  If what you want is to be referred to as what YOU want, then be prepared to honor that in others - yes even the nontransgender people who don't want to be referred to as "cisgender".  This is not a term WE came up with.  Transgendered people came up with this term as something to call us. Fair is fair.

I will not alter my own personal beliefs to suit someone else, just as I wouldn't ask them to do that for me.  Therefore, I personally do not actually believe in gender at all.  I don't see it as relevant to the conversation.  I see that we are biologically male or female (sometimes called men or women), but gender seems to either be a half-overlapped repeat of this, or some weird emotion-based identity.  I personally believe we have a biological gender that is determined at our conception as either male XY or female XX.  As far as the rest concerning behavior, I believe we have temperaments, not genders.  There are and always have been more masculine women, and more feminine men, but to me, this does not indicate a difference in their actual sex, just their temperament.  Those who believe in gender ideology, and prefer that mode of thinking are perfectly fine doing so.  I have zero issues with people seeing things and feeling about things differently than I do.  Whether it's temperament or gender... neither alters the scientific fact of biological sex.

As I have stated above, intersex individuals are in a different situation altogether.  These are the individuals born with less than obvious genitalia, or some of both, or even confused sets of chromosomes that are not clearly fully male or fully female in distinction.  I do not have an opinion about what sex these individuals should go with.  That is a very individual choice.  I do think that as much as medically possible, parents should allow this child's personality to manifest and determine what to do on a medical and biological level later than infancy.  The exception to this would be in my own faith where there is an alternate means of determination in these situations.

The next point I'd like to touch on is that I feel it is inappropriate to push or allow children (minors) to undergo transgender treatment and/or surgery.  If they so desire they can choose to dress and behave and identify as what they feel they are, but surgery and chemicals and hormones are not appropriate in a still-developing body for so many reasons.  Many a child has felt they were the opposite gender than they are biologically and later reverted to identifying as their actual sex.  It's not a good time to determine this.  At the lowest rung of parenthood are those who push their kids into transitioning because it will make them cooler or earn them points to be a supportive trans-parent.  This is despicable and it's selfish.  I will absolutely stand against children and minor-aged teens undergoing these kinds of treatments.  The harm is far greater than the positives.  Studies now show that it does not reduce the risk of suicide or mental illness struggles.

Finally, I'll touch on the ridiculous notion that some trans-people believe they have a right to others being attracted to them and wanting to be with them or date them.  This is just complete and utter lunacy.  That's not how that works.  Someone is not a "transphobe" because they are not attracted to you, or don't want to be with you physically.  No one on this planet has a right to that kind of thing from another person.  I seriously doubt a trans person would want someone to demand that they date or be with that individual right?  If it doesn't apply to you, then it doesn't apply to anyone on this topic.  Some people want to have biological families and that simply is not possible with a trans person.  Some people have religious beliefs about sex and gender that simply do not make it possible for them to live against their beliefs purely because a trans person feels it is their right to demand that.  Some are attracted to blonds, and some aren't... does that means that those who aren't are "blondphobic?  This is how dumb this argument has become.  You cannot demand others be attracted to you.  And that's why the Lesbian and Gay communities are upset with the Trans community lately.  Their whole premise is that they cannot control which sex they are attracted to.  If that is the case, then the Trans movement is running counter to the LGB movement in very directly opposed ways.

Calling me or anyone else transphobic because we don't share your viewpoint is only an insult to those who care about not being transphobic.  These days it's become such a bullying term used to attempt to force someone to do what you want them to do.  Many are now saying we just don't care if that's what we are called for our beliefs.  We'll stand by them.  I've already stated I'm completely fine with a reasonable amount of respect if it goes both ways.  Demanding more by threatening to label someone as a transphobe is just bigotry and selfish behavior.

Sources:

¹ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12476264/